A colleague of mine recently told me a story about a teenage girl (whom we will refer to as Tammy for the purpose of this article) who transitioned to becoming a male. A few years later, she went on a podcast and revealed the agony that ensued because of her decision. Tammy stated that social media played an integral role in shaping her desire to transition by consistently affirming her inclination toward change. A commonplace and simplistic response to this young girl’s conundrum would be that she was not satisfied with who she was. A more accurate and perhaps complex understanding of her predicament would be, She had no idea of who she truly is.

Many adolescents today, and yes, even our classical Christian adolescents, are accelerating through life unaware of who they truly are. Our students have undoubtedly heard it numerous times from both parent and teacher alike, “You are the image of God.” The intellect of our students might grasp it (loosely, at best), but the rest of their souls are left wanting, thereby preventing not only a fuller understanding of what it means to be the image of God, but perhaps even worse, precluding a longing for such understanding. The unconvinced part of their souls fails to alert the self about this confusion of identity and instead embraces the lie that they are actually the god in whose image they are to be formed. And as exhibited in Tammy’s transition process, no medium available to mankind today is more ambitious in aiding them in their quest than social media.

Orual and the Reverse Pregnancy of Identity

Before we discuss the illicit role of social media in adolescent identity formation, let us first consider the notion of the suppression of the true self in order to beget a new self. In our own quest for discovery here, we will examine the protagonist of one of C.S. Lewis’ greatest works of fiction, Till We Have Faces. Orual is the princess of Glome who ends up becoming Queen at her father’s death. Her father treated her horribly, called her ugly, and essentially offered her no love, causing a fortress of insecurity to be erected around her soul. Yet, one person does show her love, her beautiful and beloved half sister, Psyche. Because of the love shown to her by Psyche, Orual clings to her with a devouring type of love. Psyche is ultimately taken from her by the gods, inducing in Orual a hatred for the gods. She becomes jealous of them because they have apprehended her beloved Psyche. Tumult had taken over her soul.

When Orual becomes queen, she dons a veil, which represents her efforts to suppress who she really is. She attempts to efface her identity and allow her position as Queen of Glome to be her primary identifying feature. Consider the words of Orual: “During [many years] the Queen of Glome had more and more part in me and Orual had less and less.  I locked Orual up or laid her asleep as best I could somewhere deep down inside me; she lay curled there.  It was like being with child, but reversed [commonly referred to as Orual’s reverse pregnancy]; the thing I carried in me grew slowly smaller and less alive.”

If social media had existed in ancient Glome, this would have been Orual’s presentation of self on social media. It is an expression of who she desired to be. Internet author Brenna Bross recently wrote that social media allows teenagers to express themselves online, opening pathways “to curate a new identity and self-discovery.”¹ The teen essentially thinks to herself, “I do not like myself, therefore, I will reinvent my self.” Orual perceives herself to be unlovable, weak, and dishonorable. By reinventing her self-perceived identity as Queen Orual, she posts her new avatar on her social media page, hoping that her fundamental desires for love, strength, and honor would be fulfilled. What Orual fails to understand is that by donning the veil and identifying as Queen, it is her persona—literally, her mask—that receives the praise of men. No one in Glome received more likes on social media than the queen; however, Orual eventually discovers that such praise does not fully satisfy. As we unveil Queen Orual toward the end of this article, we will effectively discover that she, like Tammy, did not know her true self.

In doing some research for this article, I came across a website on social media and identity formation that prudently displayed a picture of a person with a foreboding question mark over her face, suggesting the person has no idea who she is. This picture indeed said a thousand words in just seven: “I do not know who I am.” If, in 1968, psychologist Erik Erikson² was right about the teenage yearning for a sense of self (and I think he was), then one of two things will ensue from this pivotal moment in her life: 1) she will endeavor to form her ideal self; or 2) she will acquire an understanding of her true self. Let us first explore option one.

Forming the Ideal Self: Expressive Individualism and Social Media

The queen of Glome was the self-perceived identity in which Orual felt most comfortable. One could even argue that in this identity, she felt victorious over inadequacy, suffering, and shame. But the question must be asked, Who is Orual? Unfortunately, Orual did not have a classical Christian educator, administrator, or parent who loves her enough to not only ask her that most important question, but provide her with that most important answer. Consequently, Orual was an early participant in what Dr. Carl Trueman brilliantly explained in his recent book, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: expressive individualism. Trueman defines expressive individualism as a means by which we find meaning in our lives through the expression of our own feelings and desires.³ One’s pursuit of meaning cannot materialize without a perception of one’s identity, whether it is true or false. Tammy attempted to ascertain a meaningful life through the expression of her desire to transition to being a male. Her perceived sense of who she was as a female no longer aligned with her shifting desires, and as noted above, social media was waiting in the wings as an escort to an exploration and configuration of a new identity. Like Orual’s reverse pregnancy, Tammy attempted to sedate who she is to become someone else. But as Dr. Grant Horner stated in a recent lecture,⁴ there is a lot of power in the statement, “I am.” If Tammy, Orual, and many of our adolescents today knew the truth of the I, the unchanging essence of God’s image on them, would we see as many reverse pregnancies of true identity? Would social media be as formidable of a foe as it has now become in shaping our adolescents’ sense of self?

The adolescent who endeavors to form her ideal self is naïve to the fact that the idea of who she desires to be has been shaped by social media. And for the adolescent who spends 4-5 hours a day on social media (the national average for teenagers),⁵ that idea has been shaped by the content, imagery, propaganda, affirmation and/or rejection in the form of the accumulation of likes and dislikes, and the opinions and ideas of celebrities they admire and follow on social media. (Notably, we must not think our classical Christian students to be beyond the influence of the reigning pop stars today). Unwittingly, the adolescent, who is unaware of who she is, will behold all this behind a screen, and as her soul longs to form her identity, the veil of Orual that has been placed over her face grows thicker and thicker as the reverse pregnancy of identity proceeds. The adolescent perceives herself anew, and her expression of this new identity, a queen perhaps, pervades every facet of her life.

For our new queen, social media is akin to the naïve counselor or psychologist who permits his client to express herself and acknowledge such expression as undeniable truth. Then, the social media psychologist reinforces the expression, and in doing so, provides shape to it. And once a shape is made of something, it becomes much more real. Thus, the confused adolescent whose sense of self is being simultaneously expressed on and shaped by social media has literally stepped into the world of virtual, or, maybe more accurately described, counterfeit reality. She has entered into a process of effacing her true self and Frankensteining a self that exists all but detached from truth. Social media works so as to reinforce, or bolster the user’s expressed sense of self, her very own monster, which dances and sings along with the images on social media that inflame that very sense of self that is being expressed. It is a wicked uniting of elements between screen and user that forge this false identity. Analogous to Orual’s “thing” carried within her, the adolescent’s true identity thus becomes “smaller and less alive.”

The Demon of Social Media Comparison

There is yet one more variable to acknowledge as a significant contributor to the disordering of the adolescent identity. It is well-established that the most insidious enemy of adolescents who are locked into social media is comparison. The nature of social media invites adolescents to observe their online peers’ self-presentations. These self-presentations predominantly magnify features of the user’s life that lend to the exaltation of the user. Once observed, the knee-jerk reaction of the adolescent is to self-evaluate: “How am I doing in comparison to user A?”

Intriguingly, citing Erikson, Jeyanthi writes that “youth have to develop an ‘inner sameness’ that is matched to how their sameness is recognised by others. They try to compare themselves with others in terms of how they feel and how others see them. They’re trying to figure out who they are in the context of their surroundings,”⁶ not realizing that “when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.”⁷ Please follow the logical collapse of the method of identity formation via comparison: “I perceive myself to be recognized by others in this particular light. Therefore, I must conform myself to that light to achieve this sameness with these others. That will be my new identity. I must change my I.” Do you see it? “I” presupposes the “I” that wants to enact the change! What did Descartes say? “I think therefore I am.” Our adolescents who are striving to form their own identities say, “I think…I want to be someone else, therefore, I am not.” But to say “I am not” affirms the “I.” If there is no stability or sameness to “I,” or, stated another way, if “I” is in constant flux, then “I am” is utter nonsense. Thus, like Tammy or Orual, if a person is attempting to form an identity, the “I” of her “I am” can never be eradicated, but it can be suppressed in order to give way to this false sense of self. And a confounded understanding of who I am, whether conscious or subconscious, will induce a strain on one’s existence. Quoting Chesterton, “If a triangle breaks out of its three sides, its life comes to a lamentable end.”⁸ Is it any wonder why we are seeing unprecedented levels of depression and anxiety in adolescents today? Are we at all surprised when we hear of girls like Tammy who agonize in regret over the decision made to transition genders? With all due respect, Mr. Erikson, identity formation does not work.

Acquiring an Understanding of the True Self: Removing the Veil

Does hope then wane for our adolescents as they seem to be surrounded by the siren song that sings from the world of social media? Not at all. With steadfast hope, let us unveil the truth of adolescent identity by first looking to the unveiled Orual.

Orual must have read The Apology of Socrates as she realized that she had to examine herself to understand her brokenness and need for someone beyond herself to identify her. Orual was the face with the question mark at the top of the previously mentioned website; yet, at the end of the story, the question is finally answered. The veil is removed and she sees herself, the unchanging essence of who she is. But, she can only see herself when she sees the Answer Himself: “I ended my first book with the words ‘no answer.’ I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away.”

One of my 6th grade students grasped Orual’s sentiment here. When I shared Tammy’s story with my students, this particular student popped up out of her chair and vehemently inquired, “Why did this person make such a decision based on their emotions? Emotions fluctuate—they change all the time. That’s why we need to rely on God. He’s the same always!” Christ is the Answer. In order for our adolescents to find out who they are, they have to be like Orual. They must unveil to see the truth of who they are. And it is a beautiful truth. They are His image. But it does not end there. As the image of God, they have been given the privilege of knowing the One in Whose image they are made. They have been given the privilege of becoming His son or His daughter. Once they surrender to this most beautiful truth, the “I” becomes renewed to become son or daughter of the Most High King. That is not an identity that can be formed, because it already has been.

The adolescent pursuit of identity means coming to the end of one’s pursuit of identity formation. Parents and teachers, as we begin this new school year, I pray that each of us would seek the Lord’s wisdom in leading our students to an understanding of the truth of who they are. We must teach our students that they never have to reinvent themselves for they have already been made, fearfully and wonderfully! There is absolutely nothing of value that the counterfeit world of social media can add to the unchanging essence of who our students are. And if you’re looking for a place to start the conversation, the words of Lewis offer themselves as a suitable springboard: “The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become—because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people you and I were intended to be. … It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I begin to have a real personality of my own.”⁹

Show your students how to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and inquire in His temple. Teach them that when they turn to Christ, their veil is removed and they will behold His glory. Any question then of who they perceive themselves to be shall die away as they gaze upon the Answer to their identity.

Notes