Billy seemed like a typical 8th grade boy at our local Classical Christian school. Usually on time; more often than not dressed appropriately; on the whole respectful in class. He was a bright, B+ student with the potential to do well. And with the tremendous resources of a classical education at his fingertips, the eagerness of caring and invested teachers, and the atmosphere of a Christ-honoring classroom, a quality, character-forming education was his to lose.

And yet lose it he did. Despite his outward submissiveness, underneath there seemed to lurk a dark dragon. There were reports of things said and done that could never be proved; actions that could always be explained away; attitudes that were adjusted at just the right moment—all of it calculated so as to not get into serious trouble and to avoid serious consequences. The question is, with all of the right tools, with all of the right input at school, even with the right grades, why was Billy failing?

Billy is not an isolated case. Statistically speaking, there is going to be a certain percentage at every school, of every stripe, of kids who succeed, and those who fail. In itself, that is nothing new, nor shocking, nor even troublesome. Not every child is going to succeed in the same way, under the same set of standardized markers. But that is a different discussion. What I want to address here briefly is a problematic assumption that is, I believe, unique to those involved in private Christian schools generally, and specifically rampant within the Classical Christian community. I personally was educated in the former, and my teaching experience has been in the latter. I have seen it first hand in both. And the problem is not with the schools themselves. No, the problem is with the parents.

The unspoken (and often unconscious) assumption goes like this: As long as we can get Billy into a safe, Christian, and academically challenging place, all will be well. His teachers will guide him, his studies will keep him out of trouble, and the influence of the other Christian kids will be good for him. What is more, his Bible teacher will tell him about Jesus. Isn’t that enough?

And on the surface, it does seem that such is a recipe for spiritual and academic success. But behind this assumption lies another, deeper, and more insidious assumption: family culture is a neutral factor that offers no resistance to what happens in the classroom. That is the lie that needs to be exposed.

Family culture (not school culture) is to Billy what water is to a fish; it is not an inconsequential or neutral element of a child’s growth and development. The loyalties, affections, and allegiances that are developed in the home are by far the most formative aspect of his life. No amount of goodwill from teachers or administrators can shake loose the lessons learned by osmosis in the home. When parents do not consciously and deliberately tend that garden, cultivating the earth of the family ethos in truth, goodness, and beauty, they should not be surprised at the weeds that spring up.

The first weed to watch for, when they give their kids over to the highly rigorous, truth-loving environment of a committed Christian school without cultivating a similar atmosphere at home, is hypocrisy: the attempt of a child to live two, separate lives. Checking all the right boxes at school, Billy spends his afternoons watching YouTube and playing video games, catechizing his mind in ways that directly contradicts the liturgies of the school, and to such a degree that makes the school seem desperately dull and lame. And because his affections are being drawn to self through the self-serving atmosphere of his bedroom and home, the virtue formation of the school culture, which requires buy-in from the student, will inevitably fail. Teenagers are like water; unless otherwise guided, they will find the path of least resistance.

To keep this brief, here are a sampling of the kinds of home-culture problems that make a Classical Christian Education ineffectual:

1. Lack of regular attendance at and commitment to a faithful local Church;
2. Movies (and not just what the kids get to watch—what do the parents themselves find entertaining after the kids go to bed?);
3. Music (again, not just what the kids listen to, but first and foremost what the parents value);
4. Too much time isolated from the rest of the family;
5. Not eating together.

The solutions are simple and necessary:

1. Regular worship;
2. Watching the right movies together, and discussing them afterwards;
3. Developing a taste for music that is more attractive than the trash kids are listening to
4. Spending time together as a family;
5. Eating together.

To be clear, these are action steps for the father first, the father and mother together second, and the family as a whole third. If the dad does not value the pursuit of these things, then the family culture will not be cultivated in that direction. If the parents together are not on the same page about the value of these steps, the family culture will become nothing but a patch of weeds.

The school is only a tool in the hands of the parents. Teachers come alongside—they cannot replace. Teachers can only succeed to the extent that the parents, and the father specifically, is engaged with their kids, proactively leading them in a home culture that gives its allegiance to Jesus.